Your Official Opening Day Primer

 

Welcome to the official Opening Day primer! Hang on to your lug nuts kids, cause tomorrow marks the beginning of baseball season, or what I like to call the "real" first day of Spring. Whether or not you're a baseball fan, this will get you ready for the upcoming season with things you should know and ideas for things to do.

This season is going to be super exciting because...

As far as anyone is concerned, this is the Brewers really going 'all in'. They've shipped off all their young talent for some big time names, guys who will hopefully turn this team into a winner. I can already tell you there's going to be a lot of buzz around the Beermen from Brew City this season, so get used to hearing about them a lot. Attendance is already expected to be at an all time high, so if you're not planning on it yet, make sure you get to a game!

"But RG, you said this primer was for 'non-baseball fans' too, why would I want to go to a game?"

Fear not, true believer, there is plenty you can do to make your experience just as exciting as it would be for a baseball fan.  But first a little history lesson...

HISTORY OF THE MILWAUKEE BREWERS

The Milwaukee Brewers franchise was originally located in Seattle, Washington in 1969, though they were then known as the Seattle Pilots. After one year of play, they team was bought by Bud Selig and moved to Milwaukee in 1970, where it has been ever since. Throughout the 70's, the Brewers we're mostly mediocre, failing to make even one playoff appearance in that decade. By the time 1980 rolled around, however, the Brewers we're ready to roll.

Fueled by homegrown talent and future hall of famers like Robin Yount and Paul Molitor, the Brewers finally made the postseason in 1981. They were bolstered by legendary closer Rollie Fingers, who not only won the American League Cy Young that season (the highest honor for a pitcher), but was also named MVP.  After a one and done series against the Yankees, the Brewers we're right back at it again next season. After losing 2 games to the Angels right away in the ALCS, the Brewers came back to win 3 straight game and make it to their first and only World Series against future NL Central rival, the St. Louis Cardinals. Ozzie Smith and the Cardinals proved to much to handle though, taking the 7-game series 4-3 and sending the Brewers home championship-less.

It would be 26 years before the Brewers would taste the postseason again. The teams in the 80's we're still good, but just never good enough it seemed. Good teams turned into okay teams in the 90's, okay teams turned into awful teams in the early 2000's, reaching rock bottom in 2002 when they recorded their first and only 100-loss season. Following the grand opening of their new ballpark, the franchise was sputtering to stay afloat. That's when new owner Mark Attanasio and General Manager Doug Melvin came on the scene. Going back to the old way of developing home grown talent, the Brewers managed to put together a solid roster which, with the help of ace CC Sabathia, who was traded for in the middle of the 2008 season, finally made it back to the promised land. After another one and done series against the Phillies, and the subsequent departure of Sabathia following the season, the Brewers found themselves unable to live up to the high hopes set in the 2008 season the next 2 years, which brings us to 2011...

NAMES YOU NEED TO KNOW:

- Ryan Braun, Left Field: Undeniably the current face of the franchise, Braun is arguably the best player on Milwaukee Brewers, as well as one of the best outfielders in the game today. His award shelf is already pretty getting pretty heavy, and this is only his 5th year in the major leagues. The stat line he put up last year is certainly an enviable one, and yet, many people can't help but feel like he can be even better. One thing is for sure, if Braun takes his game to the next level this year, we won't just be talking MVP awards, we'll be talking playoffs.

- Zack Greinke, Starting Pitcher: This year's version of CC Sabathia comes in to play a little earlier than Sabathia did in '08, but again somewhat stylishly late. Greinke is only 2 years removed from his own Cy Young award, and with a move to a team truly trying to contend, one can only hope for good things. Greinke is currently on the disabled list because of an unrelated baseball injury, but shouldn't miss much time at all. The Brewers gave up a lot of young talent in their trade for the Royals' top pitcher, but it will certainly be worth it once he gets out on the mound.

- Prince Fielder, First Base: Fielder has been a force in the lineup for years, and with this likely being his last for the Brewers, one can only hope it will be one of his best. Fielder is eligible for free agency this offseason, and unfortunately has one of the top agents in the game to represent him. Basically, he is going to look for the most money he can find, which there is no way Milwaukee can compete with. But don't let that make you think less of him, he is still a Brewer, and will certainly do everything he can to help the club win this year. Fielder will need to show he's worth the contract he seeks, and who better to showcase his skills on but a team putting everything on the line for a playoff appearance.

And if you really want to impress your friends and co-workers...

- Yovani Gallardo, Starting Pitcher: Pronounced Yo-Von-Nee Guy-Yard-Doe, he is the Brewers best pitcher not named Zack Greinke. Gallardo has been the best pitcher on the Brewers for a couple years now, and finally has the pressure off of him to be perfect every time out. With acquisitions of Greinke from the Kansas City Royals and pitcher Shaun Marcum from the Toronto Blue Jays, Gallardo will be in good company instead of standing alone in the spotlight. He's had good seasons the past couple years, but like Braun, is still looking to take the next step into great territory, which he certainly has the potential to be.

THINGS TO DO AT THE GAME:

Worry not, non-fans, I haven't forgotten you! Assuming you'll be heeding my advice and going out and buying a ticket to see this up and coming team, here are somethings you can do at Miller Park BESIDES watching the game...

- Tailgating: An absolute must, especially if you're only planning to go to one or two games this season. There's truly nothing like sitting in a lawn chair, cooking some brats, and throwing back a couple cold ones on a 70 degree day. Tailgating at Miller Park is a lot of fun, especially if you got all the right tools for it. So when you go, make sure you pack a...

      • cooler (need something to keep all that beer cold)

      • grill (ballpark food is expensive, cook yourself up a hot dog or two before you go in)

      • game (my personal favorites are bags, cards, or ladder golf)

      • sweatshirt or jacket (unless you're going in July, those night games can get cold later)

      • smile (games are supposed to be fun, win or lose, let loose and have a blast)

- Take Pictures: Miller Park is a beautiful stadium, with lots to see and do. There's lots of fanfare, and statues of players all over the place. Make sure you read who is who and why they were so important to the team (though if you accidentally get your picture taken with the Bud Selig statue, just tell people you thought it was Bob Uecker).

- The Sausage Race: After the 6th inning of every game, the Great Sausage Race takes place between the 5 Klement's sausages, which also happen to all be sold in the stadium. It's always an exciting event, and everyone picks their pony right before it begins (I recommend the Italian as the safe bet). If you wanna make things interesting, bet a dollar each on it or offer to get the person(s) you're competing against a snack if they pick correctly. It heats up the competition just a little more (no punt intended).



BEST PLACES TO CATCH THE BREWERS GAME AWAY FROM THE STADIUM:

In Madison - "State Street Brats"
Many a time have I gone down to Brats to catch a game with people. Especially during the summer, you can't go wrong eating inside or out with all the TVs they have there. This way, you can still get a brat and a beer without having to drive an hour and a half to do so.

In Milwaukee - Anywhere on Water/Old 3rd street
Now, often when I'm in Milwaukee, I'm not going to a bar to watch a game because I'll have a ticket to go see the game in person. But tickets are expensive, and as stated before, food and drinks are not cheap at the ballpark. If you're looking to catch the game still without dropping a lot of money, I can honestly say most of my best experiences have been on Water street. Whether it be Hoffbrauhaus, Water Street Brewery, or Major Goolsby's, you really can't go wrong in Brew City.

At Home - On the radio
Brian Anderson and Bill Schroeder do a fine job on TV despite their criticisms and quirky humor, but if you really want to get the best experience at home, turn on Bob Uecker on the radio. Bob's been doing broadcasts since the Brewers started playing in Milwaukee, and he'll be sure to get you chuckling a little with the jokes he tells in between all the action. He's a legend in his own right, and a really great mind on the game.





GUYS WHOSE JOBS WILL BE CHANGING BY JUNE:

- Yuniesky Betancourt: The reports were coming in a plenty this offseason, "this is the worst shortstop in baseball". Could it be true? We'll find out. His spring was nice, but when a guy is making what the beat writer can only describe as 'lazy errors', that doesn't instill a lot of confidence in me. If the Brewers are serious about contending, he won't be the starting shortstop by July 1st.
     • Potential replacements: (internal) Craig Counsell, Eric Farris; (through trade) Jack Wilson, Rafael Furcal


- Carlos Gomez: Gomez is an immensely talented player, but with a head made of rock. Defensively, he's outstanding, one of the best center fielders in the game. Offensively, he's useless. He just doesn't get it. If you ever want an analogy for Gomez, watch "Major League" and the character Willie Mays Hayes. Gomez is a duplicate of him, except I doubt he'll ever make the changes necessary to be a good offensive player. Prove me wrong, Carlos. Prove me wrong.
     • Potential replacements: (internal) Nyjer Morgan, Brandon Boggs; (through trade) See: Nyjer Morgan


- Erick Almonte: Almonte had a monster spring, hitting almost .500 in extensive AB's. He has power, can play 1B, 3B, and LF, and is the only RH hitter off the bench. So what's wrong? Well, good spring training stats mean about as much as Monopoly money: looks good, but not really worth anything. Almonte is 33, a career minor leaguer, and really doesn't do much defensively. It's not that good spring trainings haven't translated, look at Casey McGehee, now a solid start for the Brewers. If anyone was this year's Casey McGehee though, it was Brandon Boggs, and the Brewers decided to send him to their AAA affiliate. Won't surprise me if he makes it back eventually though.
     • Potential replacements: (internal) Brandon Boggs, Eric Farris; (no trade needed)


OTHER TEAMS TO WATCH FOR:

- Chicago Cubs: Not because I think they'll be all that great, but because they are the Brewers greatest rival right now. Every game between them is an exciting one, and you can bet your bottom dollar that all those Cubs fans won't be forgetting that Packers-Bears NFC Championship game anytime soon. The Wisconsin-Illinois rivalry is alive and well.

- Cincinnati Reds: The team who I'd call the Brewers #1 competition for the NL Central crown right now. They're coming off a division win last year, and one of their first playoff appearances in a while too. They have a good, young team, and won't be looking to give up their title as ' division favorites' without a fight. Brewers and Reds square off right away tomorrow.

- St. Louis Cardinals: They lost their best pitcher for the season, but they still have the best player in the game in Albert Pujols, a hitter who will forever be in league with names like Babe Ruth and Hank Aaron. The Cardinals and Brewers have been igniting a little bit of a rivalry of their own over the past few years, making their games even more exciting, especially since they're the next biggest competition in the division. I'd hate to ever make this type of metaphor, but if the Cubs-Cardinals rivalry is the baseball equivalent of Bear-Packers, the Brewers are becoming the Vikings. I think the Brewers have more class than the men in purple, but those two teams do not like the Brew Crew one bit.

- Philadelphia Phillies: The Phillies are experiencing many injuries right now, but they have one of the best pitching staffs baseball has seen since the Braves of the 90's (which featured 3 sure fire Hall of Famers). They are the favorites right now to represent the NL in the World Series this year, so if anyone else wants to get there, they'll have to go through them.

- Boston Red Sox: They are mine and just about everyone else's pick to represent the AL in the World Series. They have a powerful lineup, a pair of good, young pitchers, and experienced veterans who have done it all before. They are going to be an absolute force this season.

- Seattle Mariners: Just so Captain Trailblazer feels represented. Ichiro is a good player too.

BASEBALL MOVIES TO WATCH:

- Major League: A classic, and it stars Charlie Sheen. #winning

- Bull Durham: Another classic, it's Kevin Costner being Kevin Costner, only more awesome.

- Field of Dreams: Cheesy, corny...yeah yeah, so it's a bit sappy. Whatever. It's a feel-good movie, and baseball is almost a sub plot to the idea of following your heart.

- The Sandlot: Kids in the 60's lose a ball signed by Babe Ruth to a neighbor's guard dog. Hilarity ensues.

The Obligatory Blog Post Before the Opening Day Blog Post

 Hi kids, how are we all doing lately?

Me? Oh, I've been just peachy. It's been almost a month since my last blog post, but I swear I have a good explanation for it (er...sorta). Not only do I work most of the day away, but when I'm not working, I'm tuning up my resumé and continuing to hunt for job. Annoying, but something we all must do, like writing this blog post.

Not only that, but thanks to my pal R-Matts (who I sincerely hope reads this post to see the adorable nickname I just came up with), my TV show watching has been increased two-fold. In the past month, I have chugged out 'Modern Family', 'Arrested Development' (for the 2nd time), and have begun 'Deadwood' and 'Mad Men'. When I'm not watching those, I've been spending my time watching the NCAA tournament. If you didn't get a chance to read my post evaluating Wisconsin and Marquette's chances, go back and read them to see how dead on I was.

Despite their exits in the round of 16, I'm proud of my boys. That's a rare feat for any school, hell, even a 1-seeded team like Pittsburgh couldn't get there. That said, I like the rest of you have a completely busted bracket. In the 3 I did, only 1 did I have UConn in the Final Four, and I regretted that selection almost immediately. Butler doesn't shock me after they made the championship game last year, but VCU? Obviously the selection committee isn't so stupid, are they? (VCU was HIGHLY criticized for being chosen to make the tournament over several teams). And hey, did you know Shaka Smart was from Wisconsin? Just one of many winners this year from America's Dairyland, let's quickly break down this year in sports in the state of Wisconsin:

- 2011 is kicked off with Wisconsin Badgers football in their first Rose Bowl (as well as BCS bowl) in 10 years. They lost, but an 11-2 season is nothing to scoff at.


- The Packers just squeak into the playoffs but winning consecutive 'do or die' games, and then go on a miraculous run of winning 3 road playoff games to make the Superbowl and defeat the Pittsburgh Steelers to bring home their 13th NFL title, 1st since 1997. No matter what happened after, this completely made my year already.

- Wisconsin Badgers women's hockey wins what feels like their 100th championship. Obviously, that's an exaggeration, but these girls are well coached and good year in and year out. An easily overlooked achievement.

- Wisconsin Badgers and Marquette Golden Eagles men's basketball both make the Sweet 16 of the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament. One of them would have great, but both is just awesome.

- Shaka Smart, native of Madison, WI, takes his 11-seeded underdog Virginia Commonwealth to the Final Four. A truly outstanding achievement for a young coach on the rise.

And I'm sure there are more teams who have been involved with national tournaments and athletics, and probably a few coaches or players from the state, but these are the ones I can think of off the top of my head. Something is in the air, Wisconsin, and our athletes are drinking whatever is in that water supply we got pumping right now (though it's probably frozen since it's March 28th and still 30 degrees outside).

What more could this year hold? Guess we'll just have to wait and see. I won't let the Bucks bring me down, we've got Opening Day right around the corner, and I'll be doing a super duper awesome Opening Day primer on Wednesday for all of you to read (for the baseball fans and ones who don't care as much). Smell those brats folks, no matter what the temperature is outside, spring is in the air...

Just a Bit Outside: 5 Reasons to Watch "The Room"

Recently, I have been on a binge of watching Rifftrax, a re-incarnation of the show "Mystery Science Theatre 3000" online. If you are unfamiliar with Rifftrax or MST3K, it basically consists of three guys who watch the worst movies ever made and rip on them while they watch them. On Rifftrax, they sell their dub over jokes through downloadable mp3s, but you either need to have the DVD or download the movie. Now they have more of a focus on modern movies like the Twilight series, the new Star Wars Trilogy, and High School Musical, which increases your chance of already owning the movie you want the track for. They're very cheap too, so it's worth it (at least in my opinion).

So what does this have to do with "The Room", you might be asking? Well, as they dub over very bad movies, it was only a matter of time before I stumbled upon it, and stumble I did.

"The Room" is an independent film that came out in 2003, and is arguably the worst movie I've ever seen. The only reason anyone even knows about it is because of the cult status it has gained since its release, becoming a "midnight movie" with audience participation parallel to that of the "Rocky Horror Picture Show". What's more is that the director is constantly promoting the film, milking it for every penny its worth (which should be nothing), to the extent where he attends these midnight viewings whilst everyone else is making fun of his movie. Bizarre, no? The next question you might be asking is "why would I want to watch what you called 'the worst movie ever'?" So, without further ado, I present to you 5 reasons to watch "The Room":

1) It's so bad, it's good. You may hear this about a lot of movies, but "The Room" is the absolute definition of this statement. The acting, the story, the serious mood...somehow all together, these create the perfect concoction of comedy. It's absolutely hilarious, without even trying to be. You'd swear that you have to try and make a movie this bad, but you can just tell it isn't. It's 100% legit, which in some ways kind of makes it sad at the same time.

2) The Characters. I've already mentioned how bad the acting is, but wherever the director found these people is beyond me. The director, Tommy Wiseau, actually plays the main character in this movie, and is as bad an actor as he is bizarre. He has a ridiculous accent of some European origin, yet it's hard to place from where exactly.

The characters' interactions with one another is really what makes this movie go though, as it sometimes seems like they're receiving little to no direction. They highly overreact to little things, and then are completely emotionless to things they should have reactions to (the main female character tells her mom "not to worry about it" after her mom reveals she was diagnosed with cancer...but don't worry, this is a MINOR subplot).

3) The Seemingly Directionless Narrative. This movie jumps from one event to the next, with seemingly no concept of time. Characters appear on screen, without ever being identified, and then disappear without anyone seeming to notice they've gone. Many things happen that don't make sense, or are at the very least just flat out confusing. Character motivation just seems to be thrown out the window, as everyone is bi-polar (not really, but it sure feels that way). The main plot is already pointless and boring, so everything in between catches your attention and just confuses the hell out of you.

The strangest thing by far is the random sex scenes. Every so often, you'll be treated to a long, random, and frankly, pretty boring sex scene between two of the characters. They are so unnecessary and not in the least bit 'hot', and they go on forever. It's almost like a god awful softcore porno at times.

4) The Quotability. Even almost a week later, I find myself quoting some of the characters' idiotic statements. And you can't miss them either, because they are repeated almost to the point where you feel like it's intentional. The phrase "don't worry about it" is used over 30 times in this movie, and that's not a joke. I already noted how Wiseau's character has a Borat-like accent, and it only adds to the magic of the script's awful dialogue.

5) Trying To Figure Out Why It's Called "The Room". Most of the movie takes place in the apartment of two of the main characters, but it has little to no relevance to anything involving the movie's plot other than being a setting. The room isn't haunted or anything, it's just a room. The characters spend some time in the bedroom, on the roof, in the streets...it just doesn't totally make sense. I mean, it sort of makes sense, but it really doesn't. You'd have to go too deep into the (clearly) deranged mind of the director to figure it out.


So in case my reasons aren't enough, let me give you the guarantee that you will laugh at least once at this movie. I would strongly recommend downloading it, because it's really not worth your money, but it's totally worth seeing. I also would like to add that Rifftrax makes it even more funny, and I think you'd be cheating yourself if you miss out on it. In fact, do what I did: go straight for the Rifftrax dubbed version online. Their commentary detracts nothing from it, only adding to the madness, and they point out things you may have even missed in the midst of your constant head shaking.

So get online, search for it in google (there's torrents and streams galore on there, I recommend OVguide for streams), and enjoy. You wont regret it.