Just a Bit Outside: 5 Reasons to Watch "The Room"

Recently, I have been on a binge of watching Rifftrax, a re-incarnation of the show "Mystery Science Theatre 3000" online. If you are unfamiliar with Rifftrax or MST3K, it basically consists of three guys who watch the worst movies ever made and rip on them while they watch them. On Rifftrax, they sell their dub over jokes through downloadable mp3s, but you either need to have the DVD or download the movie. Now they have more of a focus on modern movies like the Twilight series, the new Star Wars Trilogy, and High School Musical, which increases your chance of already owning the movie you want the track for. They're very cheap too, so it's worth it (at least in my opinion).

So what does this have to do with "The Room", you might be asking? Well, as they dub over very bad movies, it was only a matter of time before I stumbled upon it, and stumble I did.

"The Room" is an independent film that came out in 2003, and is arguably the worst movie I've ever seen. The only reason anyone even knows about it is because of the cult status it has gained since its release, becoming a "midnight movie" with audience participation parallel to that of the "Rocky Horror Picture Show". What's more is that the director is constantly promoting the film, milking it for every penny its worth (which should be nothing), to the extent where he attends these midnight viewings whilst everyone else is making fun of his movie. Bizarre, no? The next question you might be asking is "why would I want to watch what you called 'the worst movie ever'?" So, without further ado, I present to you 5 reasons to watch "The Room":

1) It's so bad, it's good. You may hear this about a lot of movies, but "The Room" is the absolute definition of this statement. The acting, the story, the serious mood...somehow all together, these create the perfect concoction of comedy. It's absolutely hilarious, without even trying to be. You'd swear that you have to try and make a movie this bad, but you can just tell it isn't. It's 100% legit, which in some ways kind of makes it sad at the same time.

2) The Characters. I've already mentioned how bad the acting is, but wherever the director found these people is beyond me. The director, Tommy Wiseau, actually plays the main character in this movie, and is as bad an actor as he is bizarre. He has a ridiculous accent of some European origin, yet it's hard to place from where exactly.

The characters' interactions with one another is really what makes this movie go though, as it sometimes seems like they're receiving little to no direction. They highly overreact to little things, and then are completely emotionless to things they should have reactions to (the main female character tells her mom "not to worry about it" after her mom reveals she was diagnosed with cancer...but don't worry, this is a MINOR subplot).

3) The Seemingly Directionless Narrative. This movie jumps from one event to the next, with seemingly no concept of time. Characters appear on screen, without ever being identified, and then disappear without anyone seeming to notice they've gone. Many things happen that don't make sense, or are at the very least just flat out confusing. Character motivation just seems to be thrown out the window, as everyone is bi-polar (not really, but it sure feels that way). The main plot is already pointless and boring, so everything in between catches your attention and just confuses the hell out of you.

The strangest thing by far is the random sex scenes. Every so often, you'll be treated to a long, random, and frankly, pretty boring sex scene between two of the characters. They are so unnecessary and not in the least bit 'hot', and they go on forever. It's almost like a god awful softcore porno at times.

4) The Quotability. Even almost a week later, I find myself quoting some of the characters' idiotic statements. And you can't miss them either, because they are repeated almost to the point where you feel like it's intentional. The phrase "don't worry about it" is used over 30 times in this movie, and that's not a joke. I already noted how Wiseau's character has a Borat-like accent, and it only adds to the magic of the script's awful dialogue.

5) Trying To Figure Out Why It's Called "The Room". Most of the movie takes place in the apartment of two of the main characters, but it has little to no relevance to anything involving the movie's plot other than being a setting. The room isn't haunted or anything, it's just a room. The characters spend some time in the bedroom, on the roof, in the streets...it just doesn't totally make sense. I mean, it sort of makes sense, but it really doesn't. You'd have to go too deep into the (clearly) deranged mind of the director to figure it out.


So in case my reasons aren't enough, let me give you the guarantee that you will laugh at least once at this movie. I would strongly recommend downloading it, because it's really not worth your money, but it's totally worth seeing. I also would like to add that Rifftrax makes it even more funny, and I think you'd be cheating yourself if you miss out on it. In fact, do what I did: go straight for the Rifftrax dubbed version online. Their commentary detracts nothing from it, only adding to the madness, and they point out things you may have even missed in the midst of your constant head shaking.

So get online, search for it in google (there's torrents and streams galore on there, I recommend OVguide for streams), and enjoy. You wont regret it.

Road to March Madness

In the midst of teams gathering for Spring Training this week, basketball season heated up quite a bit. While I won't claim to be a big expert on the NBA (and specifically with the Bucks continuing to spin their wheels), certainly some of the trades that took place will help many teams contend...but that's for another time. Today I'd like to talk about college basketball, and what to expect from the big tournament next month.

There are few playoff setups in sports today that really get it right. Partially because of how some sports are played limits their formats, partially because few are able to capture the tense atmosphere. The NCAA basketball tournament, which has been given several catchy nicknames like "The Big Dance" and "March Madness", is without a doubt my favorite format. Each game matters, and I'm convinced any team can win on any given day. That's something that can't be said for rotisserie and best of 7 formats, the excitement just lacks a little there. Because if you lose, you always have the next game to look forward to.

Not only is each game exciting, but the field is so wide and there's so much action going on. If one game turns into a blowout, it's likely there will be another one at the same time which might be more exciting. The game makes it so that the teams can keep playing day after day, and there are no week breaks until it gets down to the finals, so there's just non-stop action. You can argue whether its the best format, but it's by far my favorite.

So who should we keep an eye on? Personally, I don't see a clear cut favorite. For as good as Duke is, they are beatable. Kansas is a very good team, but they also can have an off day. The Big East is all great, but it's been almost a decade since one of those teams won a national championship. My advice is to ride the number 1 seeds till a tough matchup and then make a gut call. People love upsets, but these teams get those seeds for a reason, far too often do people try to call a #1 upset too early. Sometimes you get lucky, but the rest of the time you're just being stupid. Chances are if a #1 loses early, nobody in your pool called it.

Wisconsin and Marquette are both coming off big road victories this week. In the Big Ten, home court advantage means a lot. So to beat a fairly good Michigan team in their house on a buzzer beater is nothing to discredit, it was a solid game that Wisconsin overcame with some heroics. Marquette gutted out a hard fought match at #14 ranked UConn. Gold Eagles fans be proud, I'm about 99% sure Marquette just punched their ticket for the dance with that victory. Late season signature wins like that mean the world no matter what your record is.

Jordan Taylor

I'm uncertain what to expect from each team, both of whom have weaknesses that can be exposed by even decent teams. Wisconsin lives outside the paint, and with a pressure defense on them, they struggle to score consistently. If they are going to be successful, they need to use some of their size inside with Leuer and Brusewitz and try to open up the outside more for their prime scorer Jordan Taylor. If Wisconsin will have one difference maker this postseason, it will be Taylor, who has turned out to be a pretty special player. He is a true guard who remains fairly consistent. A game manager who averages 18 points, 4 assists, and 4 rebounds a game. That's solid production, and it's his well rounded game that makes him such an important player.

Jimmy Butler

For Marquette, the other end of the court seems to be their issue: defense. It's partly that Big East style, but this team can't get away with some of sloppy fundamentals they show. The silly turnovers, the breakdowns in coverage, they've shown time and again that a 10-point lead is not safe. However, when they get on a roll, they can't be stopped. They can hurt in you so many ways with several scoring threats, and if they can limit the mistakes, they can beat anyone. Inside and outside, they can come at you in so many fashions. If Marquette will have one difference maker this postseason, it will be Darius Johnson-Odom or Jimmy Butler. Each brings a somewhat similar game, but strength where the other lacks. DJO can be a big time scorer and carry the team on his back, as he showed against UConn last night. Butler makes his presence known inside, and can rebound with the best of them, grabbing an average of 6 a game. Butler has been known to have a hot hand too, and is mostly the go-to shooter when they need points. Both need to bring their 'A' games to this tournament to be successful.

That said, my expectation for each team is unfortunately not great. With some good luck and slight adjustments mid-games, each in their own right can make a solid run, but I think it'd be a hope and prayer to even see Wisconsin make the Final Four. This has been quite a year for the state so far though, we'll see if that magic from the Rose Bowl appearance and the Superbowl win can carry over.

Getting over that Winter cold? At least it's not the 'injury bug'...

After a couple days of exercises and drills, the Brewers had their first bad injury day, with good news and bad news.

I''m always been a bad news first kind of guy, so I'll issue it like that: catcher Jon Lucroy, who is the projected opening day catcher, fractured his right pinky today. No word yet on how long it'll keep it out, but it is certainly a significant injury. I had seen this year as being Lucroy's coming out party, and I'm very fond of him as a person as well as a player, so I'm taking the news maybe a lil harder than most. As manager Roenicke said though "at least it's very early in camp". I'm no doctor, but I could see him being back by opening day. It's just unfortunate as he'll miss time getting to know and work with 2 new starting pitchers.

Speaking of, one of those new pitchers, Zack Greinke, was held out of his bullpen session today because of a "rib contusion" (basically, bruised side). Not seen as being serious, and he even said he would have gone out, but the medical staff wanted to take every precaution with their new prize. Greinke did an interview yesterday about his social anxiety disorder, which made him leave baseball for a year back in 2005. Basically, Greinke isn't a big people person, which is completely contradictory to the type of fanfare players receive in baseball. However, he remains focused on the game and has said he wants to go out and do a good job. So what if he doesn't want to give interviews every day? As long as he pitches well, I see no issue worrying about here.

Top prospect Mark Rogers also experienced 'shoulder tightness' today, and had his bullpen session cut short as a precaution. He said it wasn't bad, just sore. Of course, having had 2 surgeries on that shoulder in the past, it's no surprise the medical staff had him call it day when it happened. After being on a limited program in his recovery the past few years, Mark is reins free and ready to let it all hang out, I'm excited to see what he can bring to the table.

And last but not least, Mat Gamel, who is just one injury after another it seems, had a tight oblique and cannot hit for 7-8 days. Poor Mat,  lots of talent, but seemingly no stamina. I saw it as a longshot for him to make the 25-man roster, and now that goes even further.

But in light of all these injuries, they could all be far, far worse. The Cardinals received word today that they may have lost Adam Wainwright, their ace and best pitcher, for the season as he will likely need Tommy John surgery. Tough break for him and that team, and it certainly is a giant blow to their chances of winning the division. Not that I'd count out any team with Albert Pujols, but Wainwright has been their rock the past 2 seasons, he will be sorely, sorely missed. Look no further than the Diamondbacks to see how losing your best pitcher for two seasons can undermine your chances, even when your #2 is more than capable of taking that #1 spot.

Live Highlights: Ramblin' Gorm vs. Captain Trailblazer

So one of my friends and I have intense conversations about sports, and every time these conversations tend to have exchanges that are seemingly so bizarre, it'd be a crime not to share them with the world. So here we're some highlights from tonight's post-Carmelo Anthony trade franzy in the NBA...

(Note: Captain Trailblazer has set a trend of breaking up his statements into a multiple sentence structure that for some reason reminds me of a series of haikus, so pay close attention to the voice changes)

*I can't figure out why there's random spaces, but enjoy anyway!

CT: I'm glad melo is over
CT: because other trades can now drop
CT: but denver did ok, the NJ package was way better

CT: im not too high on galo or chandler

CT: and the picks suck

RG: chandlers decent

RG: doesnt golden state stink?

RG: could be high picks

CT: golden states second round i think

CT: the first was a NY pick in 2014

CT: which wont suck

RG: yeah but high second round

CT: so what

RG: so

RG: trade those picks for a better one

CT: second round turns out like shit 98% of the time

RG: eh

RG: milwaukee has actually done decent with 2nd round

CT: ya

CT: redd was solid

CT: there are always exceptions

CT: but a vast majority

CT: dont stick at all

RG: yeah

RG: true

CT: then again

CT: neither do 1st rounders

RG: so thats why i say they could trade em

CT: ya, i get what you are saying

CT: but smart people

CT: wouldnt trade for those picks

CT: unfortunately

CT: its the NBA

CT: and a bunch of GMs are retards

RG: well i think weve realized the sports world isnt filled with genius gms

CT: its sad that we realize they shouldnt do it

CT: and they do it anyways

RG: right

CT: I wonder what wuld happen if a GM ran his team based on bloggers recommendations

RG: then you get the dallas cowboys

CT: boom roasted

RG: jerry jones is probably the only owner who runs his team based on madden rankings

RG: al davis tries to run his team like billy beane

RG: and olshey runs his like omar minaya

CT: lol

(later in the conversation...)

CT: did you hear about this news

http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash1/hs764.ash1/165524_195220300488216_100000007417635_790908_915540_n.jpg

RG: yeah

RG: lol

RG: never would happen

RG: theyre too busy looking for a YOUNG guy with a cannon who throws pick after pick

CT: like jay cutler?

RG: and rex grossman

CT: that was my next guess

CT: i mean he had a good audition with the redskins

RG: decent, ya

CT: pick on his first throw?

RG: think it was a fumble returned for a td

CT: close enough

CT: it would have been a pick

CT: we all know that

RG: probably

*Keep an eye out soon for guest posts from Captain Trailblazer (who may at that point choose a different pen name), and talks of a potential...wait for it...podcast. All this and more coming soon from the Ramblin' Gorm!
 

Looking Into the Crystal Ball: The 2011 Milwaukee Brewers

Ahh, spring training...a sign that the baseball season is about to be upon us.

While Wisconsin is currently being bombarded with yet more snow (white-out!), the Brewers are gathering down at their facility in Maryvale, Arizona in preparation for the upcoming baseball season, which begins in just a little over a month.

It was an awfully busy offseason for baseball, and it appears far more free agents have found jobs this year than last year. I wish I could do a whole post on the wonder that is the "minor league deal", but alas, that is not what this is about.

The Phillies made possibly the biggest move of the offseason, stealing Cliff Lee from right under the Yankees noses, and forming one of the best rotations many have seen in the past two decades (hello early-90's Atlanta Braves).

But of course, here in America's Dairyland, people are still buzzing over the Zack Greinke trade (and a Packers' Superbowl victory, but that's sooo two weeks ago). I am still pumped over this trade, even if a lot of the players involved we're guys I was looking forward to seeing in Brewer unis at some point. I'll gladly hand the Phillies the label of NL favorites right now (sorry San Fran), but the Brewers have just as legit a chance to contend with great players like Greinke and Ryan Braun. But who outside of them will make this possibly a team to remember? Wonder no more, as here are some observations I've made for this upcoming Brewers' season...

Player to Watch: Prince Fielder, 1B

All eyes were on Fielder following this past offseason. A lot of fans, myself included, thought he was gone for good. As good of a player he is, there was no way the Brewers could compete without top tier pitching, and it would have had to take Fielder to land one of those. Well, I was wrong. Melvin cleaned out the farm and landed a couple big kahunas in Zack Greinke and Shaun Marcum, giving the club one more of Fielder batting behind Braun.

Fielder's contract negotiations went precisely nowhere between his evil agent Scott Boras and Brewers' GM Doug Melvin, so this is indeed a contract year for Fielder. I love that term: contract year. It's the last year of a contract in which the player basically needs to prove to interested teams that he will be worth the large investment he seeks in free agency. For Fielder, this needs to be his swan song on the Brewers. And if he really wants to get $200 million from someone, he's going to have to hit his ass off after a disappointing 2010. Look for him to put up gaudy offensive numbers this year, reminding folks again why he is still one of the premier sluggers in the league.

Pitcher to Watch: Shaun Marcum, SP

Greinke will obviously be the star of the rotation, and Gallardo will be Gallardo, but the most overlooked acquisition was Shaun Marcum. I was fortunate enough to see Marcum pitch live 2 years ago while still on the Blue Jays, and suffice to say, I was impressed. I've never felt like he's completely got his due, constantly being overshadowed by Roy Halladay, who's arguably the best pitcher in baseball this side of Felix Hernandez. Putting up a 3.64 ERA with a 3.74 FIP in the powerful AL East is impressive enough for my taste. He doesn't strike a ton out, but he doesn't walk many either, nor does he give up many homeruns. He's a smart pitcher who knows how to pitch, and has a fantastic changeup which is deadly to lefties (sucks to be you, Joey Votto and Jay Bruce). Marcum will definitely be on my radar as a guy who could really surprise a lot of people this season. A switch to the NL has been favorable for many AL pitchers, and I have a feeling that will hold true for both Marcum and Greinke who will now only face 8 hitters each time out instead of 9.

Player Most Likely to Improve: Jonathan Lucroy, C

I am a big fan of Captain Jon Luc (lil nickname for you Trekkies out there). Not for just the way he plays, but his work ethic as well. Lucroy all through the minors was described as "solid" both at and behind the plate, and it started to show a little last season. What many forget is that the plan was never for Lucroy to see significant time with the big league club in 2010, many projected him to push for a starting spot THIS year. But due to an untimely injury to Gregg Zaun and the defensive ineptitude of George Kottaras, Lucroy was pushed into playing time and held his own fairly well. One thing Lucroy excelled at greatly in the minors was his plate patience, his ability to take a walk and never give away an AB. Going from AA to major league pitching is a big jump, and it showed during his time as a starter. He doesn't have a great arm, but it's good enough, and he has great precision with it. Lucroy is a smart catcher with a good attitude and a hard work ethic, and he handles most pitchers well (save Randy Wolf, which always went weird for some reason). I expect his offensive game to improve, as well as some defensive skills. Having that taste of the majors last year can only have helped him rather than hurt him, he should be a rock there for at least a couple years.

Pitcher Most Likely to Improve: Yovani Gallardo, SP

After two years as the Brewers ace, how can Yo go up any further you might be asking. Thus far, Gallardo has been a very solid player, yet I can't help  shake the feeling he's always capable of more. Before experiencing some issues with his side last season, Gallardo was putting up excellent numbers, and noticeably still looked hurt when he came back and his numbers dipped. Despite missing some starts and being skipped at the end of the year, he still struck out 200 batters last season. With the pressure off of him now to be THE guy in the Brewers rotation (sorry Zack), I think Gallardo has his best year this season. He has all the tools to be a great pitcher, the last thing to do is to put it all together in a full season.

Player Most Likely to Disappoint: Corey Hart, RF

Many of you are probably wondering how on earth Betancourt misses this honor. My answer is that you have to have expectations of someone for them to disappoint you, and as of right now, I don't have any expectations for him. In fact, he can only EXCEED my expectations at this point. I have a similar, yet more optimistic outlook for Carlos Gomez as well (he at least goes all out when he plays).

Now, this doesn't mean I think Hart will fall flat on his face. I'd put Jose Bautista here if I were writing about the Blue Jays, because very few guys can improve upon the numbers he put up last season. Same goes for Hart, sort of. I expect him to still be a good offensive player, but perhaps not quite the power hitter he was in 2010. 30 homeruns for Hart again seems like a lot to ask, though I must admit his new found plate patience has been nice to watch. With his improved eyesight, Hart has shown he can be a big contributor in a lineup. However, I just don't think he can keep up that production. Prove me wrong, Corey. Prove-me-wrong!

Pitcher Most Likely to Disappoint: Kameron Loe, RP

I struggled to pick someone here. I almost picked Axford, ALMOST, but something stopped me. I honestly don't think Axford's 2010 was a fluke, and I think he remains rather consistent. A young fireballer who appeared to be improving as the season went on, what's not to like? I chose Loe because sinkerballers are very inconsistent. Look at Todd Coffey: rockstar for the Brewers pen in '09, your average joe in 2010. Derek Lowe? Ace for the Dodgers in '08, overpaid disappointment in Atlanta in '09. Loe had a lot of appearances last season in what was really a fairly short period of time, and was still pretty efficient. I think he can still be a good arm out of the pen, but perhaps not as effective as he was in his super-relief role last season.

Minor League Player to Watch: Logan Schafer, CF

Ever since the Greinke trade which sent center field heir apparent Lorenzo Cain away, my eyes immediately turned to Schafer. He missed most of 2010 recovering from a groin injury, yet still managed to show no rust during his stint in the Arizona Fall League (where most teams since their best prospects). Schafer has proved to be a superb defender, with a fairly good bat to boot. I think a lot of people want to see a little more power out of a CF prospect, but he can certainly hold his own. Some question his ceiling, but many did with Cain too following an injury laden '09, and ended up playing his way into the everyday lineup with Milwaukee during the latter part of last season. Schafer has some good tools, maybe not off the charts amazing, but I firmly believe he can prove to be an everyday contributor at some point in the near future with the big league club. After missing most of what would have been his stint with the Brewers' AA affiliate, the heads have decided to keep his progression moving along and plan to have him start in AAA Nashville this year with the Sounds. Mat Gamel, Caleb Gindl, and Kentrail Davis will be other interesting names to watch.

Minor League Pitcher to Watch: Mark Rogers, SP

After the farm system was completely cleaned out, Rogers was almost by default named the Brewers top prospect for 2011. After a rash of injuries following being the Brewers' first round pick in 2004, Rogers has worked his way back up through the system to AAA, where he'll likely begin the 2011 season. Rogers is still only 24 years old, having been drafted out of high school, and has an electric fastball that can top out at 100 mph. His inability to consistently go more than 5 innings a start due to control issues and healthy precaution may limit Rogers future as a starter, so this season will be especially important for him to prove that he can stay in that spot. Rogers' control issues at this stage of is career are mostly due to lack of experience rather than poor development, so there is a chance he could improve in that area enough to stick as a starter. If not though, Rogers could still be a very valuable asset out of the bullpen with a 5-pitch repertoire including his vaunted fastball and a big curveball, so either way his future is bright. Barring any further injury issues, it's not a matter of if he'll see time with the big league club this season, but when.

Other names to watch in the minors will be Amaury Rivas, Wily Peralta, and Cody Scarpetta.

The Brewers will be successful if...Rickie Weeks can stay healthy, and the players can buy into what new skipper Ron Roenicke preaches. Weeks has shown that when healthy, he is one of the better 2B in the entire league, with all the tools to be great. I have little doubt that if he can stay on the field, he will have a good season. Roenicke is perhaps the most overlooked transaction of the offseason, but all too important. His experience with the a successful Angels franchise should prove valuable, but getting to know the players could take time. Barriers between some of the players and Macha proved to be somewhat of an issue last season. Roenicke has all the parts in place, he just needs to make the engine go. Don't be surprised if the team gets off to somewhat of a slow start.

Brewers' record at the end of the season: 90-72

And with how wide open this division is, that could be good enough for 1st place. It's playoffs or bust for the Brewers again this season, though with only the expected departure of Fielder next offseason, they could be a contender again in 2012 if all falls into place. The key to this season will be getting a lot of guys to stay healthy and keeping the clubhouse in tact. Chemistry is perhaps an underrated and at the same time overrated word in sports. You can put together a team of superstars who have never played together and still succeed (like the Yankees), or you can do the same thing and watch them play for nobody but themselves, ultimately falling flat on their faces (like the Cowboys). Roenicke seems to be a smart guy, and this is a talented group of individuals. The next step is just putting it all together and start winning games. Regardless of how it ends, it should be a good journey and a fun team to watch all season long.